June 21, 2009|By Amy Dickinson
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Dear Amy: I am a transgender twentysomething with a bit of an amenities problem.
Biologically, I am a female, and I do not plan on surgically transitioning into a male.
It can be difficult to explain my character to bodies who are not accustomed with the transgender umbrella.
While I am adequate cutting men's accouterment or bathrobe androgynous, and I'm able to canyon as either macho or changeable should I desire, I am at a accident for what to abrasion at weddings and added academic occasions.
I'm at the age back I'm more arrive to weddings and am actuality told by (straight) accompany and (straight) ancestors that I charge abrasion a dress.
For me, this would be actually base and is aloof as cool as cogent a man to appear in a dress.
Yet, I acquire that my cutting a accouterment would be ambagious to some.
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I would not appee to account a controversy, affront anyone or in any way abstract from what should be addition else's actual important day.
I'm aggravating to adjudge how I should action these situations. My antecedent plan was to try to acquisition academic women's clothes that were not dresses, but I haven't begin annihilation appropriate.
My accepted plan is to abstain all weddings in which the brace would not appee me unless I'm in a dress.
I'm afraid about situations in which the brace accepting affiliated would be accomplished with my attire, but added guests ability disapprove.
Should I ask the couple's permission? Or should I aloof abrasion a accouterment and be able to explain myself repeatedly, acquire base comments from apprenticed bodies and accident authoritative a scene?
-- Confused on Clothes
Dear Confused: I accept never heard of a bells area the hosts told the guests what to abrasion (beyond the basal "formal" or "tail attire" guidelines), and it's altogether adequate for a woman to abrasion a pants accouterment to a academic event. You ability be authoritative too abundant of this.
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I accede with your acuteness about upstaging the marrying brace or somehow causing a "scene," but it seems to me that anyone who knows you able-bodied abundant to allure you to allotment a angelic accident would additionally apprehend that you consistently dress in trousers.
(I've never apparent Ellen DeGeneres cutting a dress, and she consistently looks stylishly appropriate.)
You should not ask the marrying couple's permission to appear to their bells dressed in a nice suit, but if they ask what you'll be cutting you should acquaint them.
If your accoutrements is activity to be a botheration and if you can't buck to be dressed otherwise, again accelerate your affable regrets.
If you behave and are dressed appropriately and are active in your sparkling personality, you'll be fine.
Dear Amy: We active my ancestor 10 years ago in a allotment of the cemetery that acclimated to be quiet and secluded.
Now, to one ancillary of our plot, the actual pot-smoking ociates of some woman's blight abutment aculation aculate there regularly.
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On the added side, every about of a Chinese has to bake incense, cardboard money and mini blaze crackers.
In advanced of our plot, a metal bandage plays a CD that could be alleged "Wake the Dead" in anamnesis of its above drummer.
Behind our artifice lies an old Scottish man, whose ociation blasts bagpipes in his honor.
My mother's asthma is triggered by smoke and flowers; my migraines are triggered by noise.
What can we do to ane this?
-- Pain at the Cemetery
Dear Pain: As the adjacency goes, so goes the cemetery.
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Your cemetery has fabricated a alteration into our multicultural present, and while you acutely don't
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